Eva, the best decision of my life

Eva, the best decision of my life

 

My name is Elizabeth, and I am writing this while my daughter Eva is sleeping in her crib

Eva is 15 months old, and it’s mine, only mine. She is the world’s most desired girl.

At the age of 10 and after a traumatic experience, we moved to Sevilla. I would not fall in love easily until I met the love of my life at 17, with whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life, and the most important thing for me, raise a family together, get pregnant, feel a baby inside me, give birth, which was always my greatest wish. In fact, from very young I started to babysit, I loved children.

Despite falling in love with him at 17, I did not start dating him until I was 20. As I loved him with my soul and heart, I gave everything for him, I would have given my life if it had been necessary.

I became a primary school teacher after taking public exams. At the beginning, I replaced other teachers here and there and grew up as a person. I learned so much these years! I met so many wonderful people! I will never forget them

The years went by and our relationship began to fail or maybe I realized that something was going wrong. I wanted to buy an apartment, live with him, have children (I loved children, I wanted to have one of my own), I think that after seven years of dating, I was not asking for too much, was I?  

After thinking it over, crying and suffering, one night, after a dinner party, I left him but I kept crying for almost two years; during thiese two years I did not want to be with any men and later I moved to Isla Cristina, a beautiful fishing village in the province of Huelva.

It was then when I was completely down and my life was horrible and it is difficult for me to describe. Later, I found an art therapy group to be held inSevillefor six months, and I signed up. It was a very wise decision, because I learned from all these women, I got to know myself  better, I managed to overcome many of my fears and believe more in me, although many wounds had to heal yet. And above all, I recovered my sex life, I went wild.

I met a guy who seemed to be very interested in me, and I said to myself, “Elizabeth, give him a chance, he may be the one” … but I was wrong, he turned out to be just another bad person in my life.

After him, I met quite a few men, but they all let me down, I do not know why, I guess I was unlucky, maybe I dated men who were not appropriate for me, perhaps my better half was already taken, or maybe it did not exist anymore, or perhaps I cannot stand people and they cannot stand me either or who knows.

At first I felt these guys used me, and as my mother says, “Elizabeth, men could even have sex with a broom”, but in this case, I admit that I also used them. In the end I decided to keep everything positive about them, and I wrote about it in my diary, I found something positive and beautiful in each of them, and now, when I think about them, I even smile.

Well, in that art therapy course I took three photos, three wishes I wanted to get, but in these photos I had to pretend that I had already obtained all of them, so I took a picture jumping which said: “A friend has just called me. I have succeeded in my exams to become a state school teacher!” In the second picture I was getting out of a car and it read: “I have finally got my driving licence” and in the last picture, it was me pregnant and read: “I´m pregnant and I´ll have a baby.”

Believe it or not, these three wishes were fulfilled one by one over the years.

In short, I became a permanent primary school teacher, I enjoyed teaching, I went out a lot and had a great time. I had one of the most important things in life, my independence and a steady job that I would neve lose; I had succeeded with much effort. I was proud of myself.

A few years went by and I decided to face one of my biggest fears: driving a car. I was 30 and still not driving, I was really scared of cars, speed, crashes, but in order to get my third wish I had to overcome my second wish first, because I lived away from my family, and I always went everywhere by bus or asked my friends for a lift. And I went ahead and got it.

And it was my time, my desire to be a mother came to the top and I was finally determined to do so, despite various opinions against (you’re too young, you’re going to shut men out, wait a bit more, enjoy life, a child without a dad! …)

After a lot of information and meeting great people through www.localhost, which helped me a lot, I went to a fertility clinic inHuelva and put myself in the hands of an amazing group of people, with all the enthusiasm of my life

The first day I went with a friend, I did not want to be alone and then I went alone all the rest of the process. My doctor, Alberto, was very positive. I thought we would be able to start in April, precisely the month of my first visit, because of my age, tests and what I had already observed. However, in the end we decided to begin the month after, in May.

I was always very nervous in all my visits, because I had decided to be realistic as I did not know how things would work out, you never know if you are fertile or not when the process starts, but I hoped so, and I thought I would be one of the few women that get pregnant the very first time, since I had been trying to be positive for a certain time and it worked.

On the last visit, the doctor told me I had a17 cmfollicle and another one smaller which would surely not go ahead, he gave me the shot and the date and time I had to do it. I hate needles, but I finally did because my desire to be a mom was stronger than my fears..

And at last, a 13th of May (Friday 13th, by the way), I resorted to artificial insemination. As I went alone, I was a little sad, almost all the clinic staff, two nurses, the doctor, and the lab guy were present in my insemination. It was a mass insemination!

That day, I did not go to school, and I did everything I had previously read on the internet, I put on some socks to keep my feet warm, I lied on the couch with my feet up, I drank a lot of aquarius, I did not move much and I walked to the car with my legs together, just in case I would lose something.

I do not k now if that was the reason but I was lucky, I quickly realized that I was pregnant. I had my first pregnancy test at my school and it was positive. It was very funny, because when I was peeing, the zipper of my skirt broke, and while I was  trying to fix it, the two red lines became visible, I looked out of the window to call the first collegue around and she also saw the two red lines and said: “Eli, you’re pregnant,”. And there were four more tests after this one (I got one for free from the chemist´s  assistant), and also a beta test. I could not believe it!

I’ll never forget the first ultrasound test, my parents came, and when we heard that heart pumping strongly, the three of us cried, it was there and it was alive, ALIVE, full of life.

Then, many complications came during pregnancy (triple screening disease test, enlarged nuchal translucency, amniocentesis, an stressful 20 week ultrasound test, fear that my baby could have some disease, and furthermore, emergency caesarean due to meconium in amniotic fluid and fetal distress), and a wonderful morning of February 6th, at 11.25 am, I saw the face of my daughter Eva, lovely, by the way.

She weighed 3.46 and was 51 cms tall.

And this is my life, this 17 cms follicle I saw, and the best decision I have ever taken, since I can not ask life for more.

I encourage all women to go ahead, no women should miss the experience of motherhood. This love can not be explained in any way.

I know that I will never love anybody else more than my daughter

Elizabeth Cobo Garzon, 33, and Eva Cobo Garzón, almost two months old.

Author: Rosa Maestro

Periodista, comunicadora, madre sin pareja con donante de esperma y por adopción internacional, fundadora de la web masola.org y autora de los cuentos infantiles #reproducciónasistida "Cloe quiere ser mamá..", "Nora y Zoe, dos mamás para un bebé" y "Lucía y e cofre mágico de la familia".